Admiration is a strange thing

Admiration is a strange thing, when you are at the receiving end constantly.

There is a time when you are greatly admired and looked upon with awe by a person. That person likes you immensely which is quite visible. And you start liking that person too. You are appreciated for your good work at every step by that person. You become accustomed to that admiration so much so that you expect it at every little accomplishment of yours. And sometimes, even when you have not attained anything. Eventually you get into a habit of expecting more even when there is no room for some.

Then comes a day, when you fail to get a reaction from the person who generally appreciated you. Possibly because that person is familiar to all the things that you have done till now and he/she is not amazed anymore. It pricks you a little. But when in front of you, that same person starts praising someone else regularly, it pricks a lot. You feel betrayed, which is hardly a feeling that should be felt under these circumstances. You were never promised anything then how can you feel betrayed? If it made you mad, at least you would have had a release but anger never comes into the picture.

At first, I know there are very few people who appreciate others on every tiny little thing, but the fact remains that there are. Secondly, I really don’t understand the feelings that are roused by such events. What to make of them? What to do under these circumstances? It completely becomes impossible to daily see that same person admiring someone else without feeling left out. But on the other hand, it is not even a single bit unfair.

One thing that I can say is it’s difficult to analyze this particular complicated emotion and the reactions it can cause.

A heart wrenching separation

Children are so much beautiful and innocent. Once you spend time with them, you get so much attached to them, that when it comes the time to go away from them, your heart gets ripped into pieces.

I joined the Teach India campaign with the NGO Samvedna to help the kids take their right of education. I knew the experience will be great. But I never thought that leaving them will bring tears to my eyes. As the days passed with the children, I began to look forward to meeting with them every once a week. I could not imagine my life without that one Friday when I went to teach them. To be frank, many times I was exasperated with them, as they just played, fought on little matters and didn’t listen to me. But, I was amazed at their ability to grasp everything I taught them, even while doing other things.

They played the games that I remember as a child I used to play too. The children asked me too, to play with them. We talked about a lot of other things too. I am not that much fluent in Gujarati, which is the only language the children did understand. And when the kids realized that, they accepted that and even gave me an option to talk in Hindi, saying they will try to understand a different language and that way they will learn too. It really touched my heart to hear that.

I used to teach them computer. The children never used to like to learn the theory, they always wanted to go in the practical. It brings a smile to my face today as I recall the excited looks on their faces, when they used to sit in front of the computer. They were fascinated by every small thing that happened in the computer, be it a pop-up that comes on a right click or a simple increase of the font size. I think, we as kids did not ever find such small things important.
I could go on and on about the experiences I had with them. The word ‘amazing’ does not even gets close to describing it.

But now, as they have got their exams, no longer would they need teachers to teach them. And we would not be able to meet them. That really saddened me. I looked forward to the week because of this activity with the kids, which I know will be missing now onwards.

I just hope that I again get a chance to be with these kids, help them in any way I can. That would really be worthwhile.

Need to make Amends

The sound of ambulances,
The sight of injuries, dying people, riots and diseases,
Its so unnerving
The despair creepin in.

Be it nature’s way of maintaining balances,
Be it man’s follies, or his own made causes,
Be it our own acquaintances,
Or be it somebody else’s sufferances,
Be it the dwindling of our finances,
Be it the elation of senses when taking chances,
A cold feeling sets in,
Making everything around saddening.

Can’t we control such happenings,
Can’t we make a pledge for humanitarian reason,
Aren’t we somewhere wrong, with the nature, in our dealings,
Aren’t we atleast indirectly responsible for nature’s treason,
Why can’t we stop the violences,
Why can’t we stand up for the peace and reduce such instances,
We, as a human race, are the supreme most & everything will be lost,
We are going to perish, if we don’t start making amends at any cost.

Rain

First drops of rain touch my eyes,
I feel them leaving the tip of my lashes, landing on my cheeks,
As if in worship of the rain God, I look up to the skies,
Two more of them I feel on my forehead, where, meanwhile, the sun, in & out of the cloud flicks.

In my surroundings, I watch people trying to protect themselves from the water,
I look at them & feel that they are missing the best part of life,
Thunder crackles, lightning lights up the sky, then also my steps don’t falter,
And then I get a thought, why not draw the people out & make them experience that this is the real life.

I stop, stare into their eyes, move on the spot, with all the happiness I am feeling reflecting on my face,
It is thundering showers till now, I look at them again & see that one or two persons are tempted to experience,
I feel myself getting bold & reckless, I collect some water drops in my hand, approach a little boy & with the water, his hand I trace,
The sweet little boy leaves his mother’s hand, follows me in the rain & he too as if in worship stages a dance.

Watching the pure pleasure in the boy’s eyes, the people realize, having security may make life easy,
But, stepping out of the boundaries will make you enjoy life and not regret it,
So, most people there, stepped out into the rain, and understood that they should make the most of it, life was giving them a treat.