On the Edge

As I read through my recent blogs, I detected a similar quality in all of them. At least the latest two were saddening and distressing. There was no reason for me to speculate this; I already knew the situation that my inner most thoughts had taken a shape and had unconsciously poured out on to the paper.

I am facing a constant crisis in my life. I am unhappy, already distraught with worry and the panic is increasing, seconds ticking by. My life is like a bomb about to explode and like an active volcano already emitting some amount of lava, burning everything it touches, though the actual explosion is yet to happen. My life is on the edge of a precipice about to tumble to the other side.

There comes days that are blissful but they are so so short lived, they vanish in the blink of an eye. Neither I nor anyone else can help erase this constant darkness except God. I believe in him and I know he is listening, but I don’t know when will his magic work for me.

Some people might say that I am just not trying and only wallowing in grief and self pity. But I know how much I have tried and am still trying. This constant torture of my soul is one thing I am not able to handle. It is screaming, screeching for help but none seems to be forthcoming. I am unable to talk about it, share it and yet I can’t live like this.

I address God, the spirit that lives in all of us, the spirit that gives us energy, the one that protects us, the one that teaches us to differentiate between good and evil, the one that has the power to change the path of fate and destiny, I beg him to alter the current circumstances, to give me a lasting beautiful cloudless sunny morning.