There are some things that always elude us no matter how much we try to attain them. Such is my association with movies I wish to watch in theatres. The wish hardly comes true (sigh).
It’s not that I don’t go to theatres to watch movies. But the ones I go to watch aren’t the ones I wished to watch. For this, I think I can’t blame anyone else but me. I think I just don’t pursue and pester everyone enough. Recently, there took place an episode where I really wanted to watch that movie. But alas! The whole plan went awry. Whatever happens, the plan going wrong or disinterest, nevertheless, the end result is the same that I don’t get to go for that movie.
I just have one question, to whom that’s still confusion, why are my movie preferences so drastically different from everyone. By everyone, I mean my friends. Oh! I am in no way saying that I am utterly different and cool, but actually in contrast, am I abnormal in liking the things which my friends just pass it off without paying much attention. One of the side effects of this unnatural thing is our talks about movies and stuff are awkward (sometimes for me). I use the word awkward because, when I am talking about any movie, I stand out coz at that particular point of time, nobody else is contributing but me. And for most part, I feel like I am boring those people with my incessant chatter about my interests. And before anyone can contradict me, I’ll say, I am capable of reading human expressions. It’s not always good to stand out; at least sometimes I want to gel in and I don’t wanna bore people but still I want to let my words and thoughts go unrestricted. How to achieve these two contradicting things is the final question.
Thursday, 24 December 2009
Monday, 14 December 2009
Mirror, mirror: Tell me, who am I?
I am standing in front of the mirror, gazing intently at the person on the other side. I push my brain cells to recollect any memory of the person I was looking at. But there is none.
The first moment, I stood in front of the mirror; I could see and recognize that it was nobody else but me. The same me, the same traits and the same expressions. As time passed, the similarities decreased. I could hardly recognize the person I was seeing. What happened to the real me? The answer I deduced to the question that came up was I have “Changed”.
Change is the order of the world. We need to change according to the times. The circumstances change us for the best. I knew this, yet the change panicked me. As I see now, the change in me has occurred on the darker side. I realize the circumstances aren’t always glorious but are sometimes dark too, slowly edging us towards a precipice.
The person facing me is a stranger. She is angry, agitated and immensely irritated. She flares up at inopportune times, hurting our loved ones. She is unable to keep her emotions in check. And after all this, she is hit by a guilty conscience so huge, she moves onto a gloomy state and lapses into a silence and for how long, she herself doesn’t know. She sometimes feels that there is another person inside her trying to guide her and these silences are that other person’s work, so that she cannot hurt anyone further. That other person is the real me. I have always been calm, never reacting instantly and hardly ever angry. I take over for sometime. And then, all of a sudden, everything is bright.
Seeking an answer, I ask the mirror: who am I? What have I become? Will these timely and wise interventions by the real me stop eventually? Or will I be able to gather myself up again and shun these sinister traits? I don’t want to change, at least not for the worst. I want to hold on to the good things in me. These changes, I say, happened inadvertently. I never paid much attention. I thought that it was just a passing phase. But now it seems its here to stay. I was awakened by some of the recent appalling incidents. I am glad it did.
I am finding ways to retrace everything. I have a slight idea of what went wrong and what needs to be done, though it is going to be utterly difficult. The one thing I know will help me get through is the belief I have in myself. So now here starts my attempt at amendments.
The first moment, I stood in front of the mirror; I could see and recognize that it was nobody else but me. The same me, the same traits and the same expressions. As time passed, the similarities decreased. I could hardly recognize the person I was seeing. What happened to the real me? The answer I deduced to the question that came up was I have “Changed”.
Change is the order of the world. We need to change according to the times. The circumstances change us for the best. I knew this, yet the change panicked me. As I see now, the change in me has occurred on the darker side. I realize the circumstances aren’t always glorious but are sometimes dark too, slowly edging us towards a precipice.
The person facing me is a stranger. She is angry, agitated and immensely irritated. She flares up at inopportune times, hurting our loved ones. She is unable to keep her emotions in check. And after all this, she is hit by a guilty conscience so huge, she moves onto a gloomy state and lapses into a silence and for how long, she herself doesn’t know. She sometimes feels that there is another person inside her trying to guide her and these silences are that other person’s work, so that she cannot hurt anyone further. That other person is the real me. I have always been calm, never reacting instantly and hardly ever angry. I take over for sometime. And then, all of a sudden, everything is bright.
Seeking an answer, I ask the mirror: who am I? What have I become? Will these timely and wise interventions by the real me stop eventually? Or will I be able to gather myself up again and shun these sinister traits? I don’t want to change, at least not for the worst. I want to hold on to the good things in me. These changes, I say, happened inadvertently. I never paid much attention. I thought that it was just a passing phase. But now it seems its here to stay. I was awakened by some of the recent appalling incidents. I am glad it did.
I am finding ways to retrace everything. I have a slight idea of what went wrong and what needs to be done, though it is going to be utterly difficult. The one thing I know will help me get through is the belief I have in myself. So now here starts my attempt at amendments.
Thursday, 10 December 2009
Through the time glass
However hard we try to keep the past locked down, it crops up at an unexpected time winding us down in its depths. Reliving certain events gives so much pleasure. It lightens up the mood and makes us forget the present day strains.
I am roaming in my past enjoying and visiting its lanes which have given me so much, sculpting me as I am today. I feel nostalgic too as I explore, wanting just one more tryst with my past, wanting to live those wonderful days again.
I walk through the picturesque neighbourhood of my school. It is winter and I look at those foggy lanes with the dense trees swaying slightly to the breeze. It seems as if there is smoke everywhere, the sun hasn’t risen yet, and then I could make out the silhouettes of children on their bicycles. Excitedly I run towards my school and I see myself walking in through the great gate carrying a heavy bag on my shoulder. There are very few people on the school ground. I am talking to my friends about some movie and that’s when I look yearningly towards my friends. We were so young and innocent and we had sworn to be friends forever. I wish I could meet all my friends today right now, as if there was no time gap between our school days and now, forgetting our differences, the way we used to.
I go towards where our classes held. The brass bell standing in the middle in the shade of a huge banyan tree, the smell of damp earth due to sprinkling of water, birds chirping everywhere, squirrels crossing just a few feet from me, I look at all these wondrously enforcing this image in my mind, wanting never to forget it. I peer into my class, all of us sitting on stone benches obediently listening to the teacher. I can’t believe I was so obedient and not a naughty child. We were all scribbling furiously in our notebooks, once in a while we whispered to the friend sitting beside and then the teacher glared at us. I just stood there frozen in time, in those carefree days.
Traveling in time, inhaling deeply the essence of the forgotten past,
And painting its myriad hues on the canvas of my mind.
Today these are my fresh new eyes looking at the places, people and milestones differently. There were times I was angry, unsatisfied, rude and unforgiving. But now, I have calmed down and I banish all those negative thoughts from my mind. I am forgiving towards anyone against whom I held a grudge or anyone who hurt me in the past. This is a new day. I am accepting everything and moving forward.
I am roaming in my past enjoying and visiting its lanes which have given me so much, sculpting me as I am today. I feel nostalgic too as I explore, wanting just one more tryst with my past, wanting to live those wonderful days again.
I walk through the picturesque neighbourhood of my school. It is winter and I look at those foggy lanes with the dense trees swaying slightly to the breeze. It seems as if there is smoke everywhere, the sun hasn’t risen yet, and then I could make out the silhouettes of children on their bicycles. Excitedly I run towards my school and I see myself walking in through the great gate carrying a heavy bag on my shoulder. There are very few people on the school ground. I am talking to my friends about some movie and that’s when I look yearningly towards my friends. We were so young and innocent and we had sworn to be friends forever. I wish I could meet all my friends today right now, as if there was no time gap between our school days and now, forgetting our differences, the way we used to.
I go towards where our classes held. The brass bell standing in the middle in the shade of a huge banyan tree, the smell of damp earth due to sprinkling of water, birds chirping everywhere, squirrels crossing just a few feet from me, I look at all these wondrously enforcing this image in my mind, wanting never to forget it. I peer into my class, all of us sitting on stone benches obediently listening to the teacher. I can’t believe I was so obedient and not a naughty child. We were all scribbling furiously in our notebooks, once in a while we whispered to the friend sitting beside and then the teacher glared at us. I just stood there frozen in time, in those carefree days.
Traveling in time, inhaling deeply the essence of the forgotten past,
And painting its myriad hues on the canvas of my mind.
Today these are my fresh new eyes looking at the places, people and milestones differently. There were times I was angry, unsatisfied, rude and unforgiving. But now, I have calmed down and I banish all those negative thoughts from my mind. I am forgiving towards anyone against whom I held a grudge or anyone who hurt me in the past. This is a new day. I am accepting everything and moving forward.
Saturday, 5 December 2009
Fire and Ice
I read this piece by Robert Frost and loved it and of course agreed with it too. I won’t add anything to this post and ruin the sheer pleasure of reading it.
Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
Wednesday, 2 December 2009
Charm Maestros
Every once in a while you meet people who are CHARMERS. With every soft syllable that falls from their lips and with every expression and every compliment they give you, you are charmed. At that moment of time, their power is such, (no idea, whether it comes naturally to them or it is an acquired talent) they give you no space to escape from them. It feels like you are literally caught in the magic.
Being charming really is an ensnaring quality, but definitely not in a bad way. I have a friend who is one of those. When I am with her, I have to try and keep my mind grounded instead of letting it wander away to the skies. I have met few guys who were charming as hell. When I observed them, it was as if, with almost no effort, people were in their pockets. I had to concentrate hard and not let myself be entranced. Besides, sometimes they have no knowledge that they are bewitching fishes, so innocent, yet there are times of course, when everything is done deliberately to trance. I wish I too could be a charm maestro. The feeling that you have an irresistible power is so heady.
Being charming really is an ensnaring quality, but definitely not in a bad way. I have a friend who is one of those. When I am with her, I have to try and keep my mind grounded instead of letting it wander away to the skies. I have met few guys who were charming as hell. When I observed them, it was as if, with almost no effort, people were in their pockets. I had to concentrate hard and not let myself be entranced. Besides, sometimes they have no knowledge that they are bewitching fishes, so innocent, yet there are times of course, when everything is done deliberately to trance. I wish I too could be a charm maestro. The feeling that you have an irresistible power is so heady.
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